


Endings

by izayoi_no_mikoto



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Gen, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Presumed Dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 09:16:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12861453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izayoi_no_mikoto/pseuds/izayoi_no_mikoto
Summary: Cho Gonou is gone, and Gojyo knows, deep down, that he's not coming back.





	Endings

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for Hakkai and, to a lesser extent, Gojyo backstory.

Gojyo wishes he'd never learned the man's name.  
  
He hears it echoing in the back of his mind--not always, just every now and then; irregularly, but a punch in the gut every time.  A series of silent whispers and hisses, a voice that secretly taunts him:  _Cho Gonou_ , it says, _Cho Gonou_.  
  
After the shitshow is over, after the monk and the monkey have dragged Cho Gonou off to face his fate, Gojyo is left alone, abandoned and akilter in a world that has suddenly skewed on its axis.  It won't last, he tells himself.  His life will go back to normal, back to his regular days of boozing and gambling and fucking, and all of this will fade into the past, just some shit that happened once, something Gojyo will only remember when he needs a good story to tell over poker-- _Hey, did I ever tell you about that time I found a dude passed out in the gutter?  He was hurt, so I took him home, patched him up--I’m a good guy like that.  Anyway, turns out he'd fucked his sister and killed a bunch of people.  Yeah, that was some weird shit_.  Then take a swig, lay down his full house, and crow over his winnings, Cho Gonou once again forgotten.  
  
But that's not what happens.  Instead, Gojyo wakes up in the middle of the afternoon, his eyes blurry and his head splitting, and the only part of his mind that isn't hung over reminds him, _you brought a man to this bed, once_.  He walks home at two in the morning, and he falters mid-step because there's a figure sprawled out on the side of the road and, for a second, he thinks he sees a sliver of one emerald eye.  He hears the rap of knuckles on wood, and for one wild, crazy moment, he thinks someone's knocking on his door, and he flashes back to brilliant blond hair and a scowl and a sour voice spitting _Cho Gonou_ , and this time Gojyo can't say he’s never heard of the man, because he knows Cho Gonou, he knows _exactly_ who Cho Gonou is, he _knows_ \--  
  
He knows, and the world never settles back on its axis.  
  
He knows, too, that Cho Gonou is gone.  No matter what the monk says, Gojyo doesn’t believe in rebirth or reincarnation, not really.  Still, whenever that voice at the back of his mind whispers, _Cho Gonou_ , Gojyo wants to pop open a can of beer and pour it out to him, or maybe just slug it back, and send up a thought to nothing and no one:  _I don't know where you are, but I hope it's at least a little fucking better than here._  
  
But he doesn't, because there's no point.  There are no new beginnings, only endings.  His mother--an ending.  Jien--an ending.  His innocence--an ending.  Cho Gonou, too, has met his end.  And Gojyo knows that no amount of feeling stomachsick or heartsick will give either of them a new beginning.  He knows that.  And yet--but still--  
  
_Fuck it_ , Gojyo decides, and he fetches a pair of scissors.

**Author's Note:**

> (Inspired by the prompt: 100 words of new beginnings)


End file.
